Our Family Bed

I was laying in bed the other night, clinging to the edge with Hannah Jane and Hunter sprawled out between Joe and I, thinking about what a controversy bed sharing has become. The next morning I flip on the laptop to enjoy a quiet coffee moment before the daily craziness set in and what was the ad beside my inbox? “The dangers of co-sleeping!” What a coincidence. I thought more about all of the sleeping arrangements we’ve had over the past 5 years and had to laugh.

We have had the good fortune of a pediatrician who fully supported co-sleeping, and well, we’d have done it anyway I suppose. But it always feels good to have the family doc in your corner. With Hannah Jane, the all night nursling, it was a matter of survival. There was just no way I could get up and go into the next room every 5 minutes so I just slept there like an all night buffet. It was quite fine and we all got the rest we needed. I was very much into the whole attachment parenting, Dr. Sears style stuff at that point (and by that point I mean when there was just one little person to shape and guide).

By the time Hunter rolled around I had gotten hold of a new book -Baby Wise. Yes, the most non-attachment parenting book ever written. And well, it sounded reasonable. And the was no way I could just sit on he couch all day and lie in bed all night allowing him to nurse at will the way Hannah Jane had since I now had a 2 year old to look after as well. So Hunter got the crib by the bed treatment. Sad to say, but it’s true. But it sure didn’t last long. He weaseled his way into the big bed with his playful charm and at this point it was no longer co-sleeping for convenience. It so that mommy could have greater access to snuggles.

Fast forward 18 months and Haven joins the crew. By this point we have tried getting the little ones into their own beds (I’m sure because some expert wrote a book that said to) and it worked on and off, but the fact remained that we just plain like all the love in the family bed. A room away felt lonely and cold. Now, though, we were nose to nose with a problem of a new variety. We just plain couldn’t safely fit 5 in a queen sized bed without co-sleeping actually being a risky endeavor. So what did we do? We split into 2 family beds (well, a bed and a sofa sleeper). Every night Joe and I would kiss goodnight and go our separate ways. He headed for the hide-a-bed with Hannah Jane and Hunter and I headed to the big bed with Haven. Variations on this theme lasted for a few months before we just put all of the mattresses on the floor and made one big sleeping room where we could all be together happily.

I know all of this sounds like it may be more trouble than it’s worth, but when you get to hear a little voice say, “Good morning, Baby! How you sleep?” before you ever open your eyes, you’ll be hooked. And there is a feeling that cannot be described when you are staring into your husband’s eyes from across a sleeping bunch of sweet little lives that you brought into this world together. It just makes sense.

And as for the arguments that it is dangerous, well I worried about that when they were each itty bitty and took precautions that the Ped agreed were necessary and adequate. The fear mongers out there love to harp on the inevitable doom of bed sharing and say that there is nothing that can be done to make it safe, but my gut tells me that this feeds a need for someone out there and I am not going to argue with it. And for all of the pro co-sleeping arguments, well I’m not in that boat either. I don’t do it because of statistics or because it is the way mankind has raised their babies since caveman days. Nope. I just do it because it makes all of us feel warm and fuzzy.

On a final note, I began this post with a description of our current arrangement with Hannah Jane and Hunter in the middle. What I left out is Mr. Haven, who now sleeps alone in a separate room. Yup. The baby is on his own. Only for a while, though. They all went through a phase of toddlerhood where they were just not capable of falling asleep in the presence of others. We miss ‘em during this phase, but soon he’ll be back. And ya know what? We’ll be ready for him in our new King sized bed.