Small town religion

Man! This small town thing is tough. I though, stupidly, that I had mastered it. That perhaps, with little effort, I had transitioned to life in Smallville with little or no trauma, taking the best it has to offer and leaving the rest for the birds. Then from behind I was blindsided with the reality that sometimes the birds don’t want what you’ve left behind either and whatever that thing is that you thought you could ignore has just come for you in the dark of night.

Everyone here knows everyone’s business. And when you’re a member of a minority faith, everyone is watching to see what you’re doing. You become a sort of ambassador of the faith and your every move is scrutinized. My thoughtful Baha’i friends realize this and behave in a manner that goes above and beyond the call of duty, and I feel compelled to follow their lead on this one. Where once I was inclined to think, “I know I’m doing the right thing and it’s just between me and God, so who cares what anyone else thinks?” I now think, “Well, if they think I’m up to something, even though I’m not, that reflects on the faith.”

And then there’s the matter of right and wrong. That used to be easy. I never imagined a situation where I would actually have no idea what the right path is. But here in LittleTown they have managed to confound me. I can’t believe I have actually sought guidance from the Baha’i chain of command. I really thought that was for tribal communities who had a squabble of the right height at which to hang Abdul Baha’s picture or at least entire grops of Baha’is with serious questions, but here I find myself actually thinking, “I have no idea what to do and my actions in this case could have potentially dire consequences.” When did this happen? Can the small town dynamic actually muck up the clarity of right vs. wrong? Have I lost my mind? My, how simple things used to be.

I have made a decided effort to become a more thoughtful, less reactive person over the last year or so. Of course I fall short often, when the zoo-like nature of running a house with 3 little ones becomes more than I can sanely bear, but I think I’ have improved significantly in my ability to keep myself out of other people’s dramas. But here I find myself inescapably wrapped up in drama that is at the core of an entire community. I suppose sometimes reality makes a house call even when it is not invited.

So I’m a prayin’ and a thinkin’ and a hopin’ that some wisdom is visited on me before I make any moves. Truly, life should be much simpler. I suppose in a small town, life is trickier than big city anonymity no matter your background. Everyone’s watching and comparing notes so it’s best to get a second (and 3rd and 4th) opinion on things.